My Story

There once was a little girl who grew up on a tiny island in the Pacific. She had a mommy, a daddy, and an annoying, but loyal, little brother, as well as a whole lot of extended family who loved her dearly.

As the years passed by, the little girl grew up with her share of heartaches. She lost her innocence at the hands of monsters. She was ridiculed by others for being overweight. She lost her home, her sanctuary, when her parents separated.

Despite the heartaches that plagued her childhood, the little girl grew into a young woman. She carried more baggage than the average person. However, she told herself to wipe away the futile tears and fight back the pain in her heart. She pushed all her awful memories, pain, and fear into a box lodged deep within her soul. She willed herself to see another day because somehow, somewhere she'd find happiness someday. She promised to never look back, even if it meant losing herself, her family, and her friends. She held her head high and moved on.

The young woman couldn't wait to leave the tiny island and everyone she knew. After her college graduation, she was accepted into a law school in the brightest city in the world-New York City. She beamed for weeks, and for the first time, she felt like anything was possible. She left behind her family and friends, as well as her home, without a second glance. No regrets, she thought as she boarded that plane to her new life.

The young woman almost forgot about her home in that far off island in the Pacific, and managed to get by without contact with her family and friends. She made new friends and started a new life. She almost felt whole again, as if this new place, this new life away from everything familiar, would make her a new person. Alas, she realized that no matter how far you go, the call of home beckons.

The young woman returned home after several years, but discovered that home didn't feel the same. Because she spent so many years turning her back to her family and friends' efforts to maintain the bond between them, she managed to loosen, if not break, the ties that bound them together. You see, the woman wanted so much to erase her pain and memories that she told her family point blank that she never gave them much thought because 'out of sight means out of mind.' Despite all this, her family continued to embrace her, despite her attempts to block them out of her life. They loved her, and deep down, she loved them. But no matter how much this woman wanted to return home, to return to the family she left behind, nothing could erase the past.

This woman continues to feel like the outsider looking in. She looks at the family she once belonged to, not believing that she's still very much a part of it. She knows what she has done and how much hurt she has caused, not only to herself, but also to loved ones. She has tried to make amends with the encouragement of her family and friends, but her insecurities and pride get in the way. Moreover, her guilt gets the best of her, and the only way she can cope with the heartache is to push it aside, into that box in her soul, and move on.

Alas, the box, like all barriers, come apart in time. Consequently, her soul is haunted by her past and the future she yearns for, but will never achieve.

Whoever said you can never go home again was absolutely right.

It's Over?

BB and I had another fight last night. One of many spanning...five or so years. This time, however, we went to bed angry. This morning, we were still angry. The thought streaming in and out of my mind is I hate her.

I hate her!

I hate her for bowing out when things get a bit tough in our lives!

I hate her for throwing the words 'it's over' at me everytime we have a huge falling out!

I hate her for using those words against me knowing full well that I absolutely abhor them!

I hate her for the ease she has in convincing me (and herself) that what we have (or had) is nothing more than yesterday's garbage!

I hate her for making me feel so...empty.

I hate her for entertaining thoughts of a life without her.

I hate her for failing to say goodbye this morning, knowing that's a first.

I hate her for leaving.

I hate her...

I don't know what happens now.

Harper

I haven't formally introduced my boy, Harper. He's a 10-month old chiweenie (chihuahua/dachshund mix) who's brought great joy to BB and I. He's our little baby! Harper can be a little feisty at times, but we can never be mad at him no matter how much trouble he manages to get into! And that's a lot of trouble for one chiweenie!


Animals have feelings too! Shower your pets with love!

Haouli Makahiki Hou!

I'll keep this post short because I'm worn out from my DDR workout and because Xena's waiting for me. =)

I resolve to appreciate life, eat smaller portions, exercise , and do certain things in excess (i.e., live, love, laugh, dance, sing, read, etc.).

Happy New Year!

Mele Kalikimaka!

Isn't my little tree adorable? Why so small this year? This tree is all we could afford. Thankfully, we found it at the 99cent store. We bought the cute little glass ornaments there too. I think the 99cent store should pay me for the shout out, don't you think?

Christmas isn't the same as the years go by. The sparkle Christmas held in my eyes as a child has turned into a blinding reality that maybe Christmas is just another day. No hoopla. No magic. How sad, eh? But that's how I feel.

BB and I had a fight last night about her sister. I don't know what to believe about her sister's situation. I only hope BB isn't duped into bailing her sister out yet again, only to regret it later.

Yup. This is Christmas at our home.

At least Harper has a very big gift to open! It's his very first Christmas! BB and I yearn to see the sparkle in his eyes as he tears into his gift. In Harper's excitement, we'll hopefully rediscover the magic of Christmas.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

The Audacity

Yay! I completed my latest jigsaw puzzle today! This puzzle irked me so much that I almost gave up. But I stuck with it and saw it through to the final piece. I'm so happy! Now I'm moving on to my next puzzle. BB bought me a 750-piece puzzle of New York City's skyline, which is reflected off the Hudson River. I know it's going to drive me crazy. I just know it. But I will persevere...I hope.

Do you like the Christmas feel of this puzzle?

Now on to more important news.

Your president-elect Obama had the audacity to invite the openly anti-LGBT Reverend Rick Warren to his inauguration and to give Rev. Warren the honor of leading the invocation at this allegedly historical event.

What a blatant slap in the face to Obama's LGBT supporters!

Where's the love, Obama? And what about the promises of hope and change you made to all Americans?

I always knew you were more of the same.

I told you so!

I am not a second-rate citizen! I pay my taxes like every American! EQUALITY FOR ALL!

Let It Snow

It snowed for the most part of the day. Yay! That's twice now! You must be wondering what the big deal is. So it's just snow, you say. I've seen snow before, thanks to my years in the Big Apple. But in all my years living in _____, I've never seen snow fall on my front yard before! So yeah, it's exciting. I'm excited! It's all so amazing! It's gonna be a wonderfully white Christmas! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Even Harper got a chance to enjoy today's snowfall!

Happy Holidays!

Puzzling Snow

Two great things to share with you today.

First, it snowed yesterday! For me and my fellow residents of _____, snow is extremely rare in our part of the country. How exciting that it actually snowed here for almost the entire day! And we're not in the clear just yet! Another storm is predicted to be just around the corner. Snow day!

Second, I started a new puzzle yesterday! It's another 500-piece jigsaw puzzle. As the snow flurried outside, I thought what a great time to keep warm with a cup of peppermint tea and keep busy with an interesting puzzle! Here's what I've completed so far. Can you guess what the puzzle depicts?


Bask in the warmth of a great day!

Resolution

I know it's not that time of the year just yet, but I thought I'd resolve to do something now.

I resolve to discover new things each day, to view things in a different light, to be productive, and to appreciate the truth and beauty in even the small and mundane experiences.

So here's how I've been sticking to my resolution:

I completed a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle in less than 3 days! I remember when Quinn, my cousins, and I worked on jigsaw puzzles back when we were kids. My Auntie Isabelle introduced us to this great pastime, which instilled in us patience, among other things. Back then, we worked on 1,000 to 5,000 piece puzzles, if not more. I don't know if I can withstand even a 1,000-piece puzzle on my own. This 500-piece puzzle frustrated me at times as it is! Anyway, I don't remember what we did with the completed puzzles back then. I do know that I intend to glue together my completed puzzle in honor of my accomplishment. Yay!

I also completed The Aeneid by Virgil yesterday. I enjoyed Virgil's epic poem, which was full of adventure and excitement as Aeneas fought to secure his destiny. Poor Dido! The part of the book where Aeneas traveled to the underworld reminded me a lot of Dante's The Divine Comedy. I gather that's why Dante chose Virgil as his guide. I highly recommend The Aeneid, as well as The Odyssey and The Iliad by Homer (great reading!).

I'm thinking about joining an online book club. You see, I've been a bit envious that my friend and co-worker, Bobby, is part of a guild. A guild is a bunch of people who game together in World of Warcraft. A couple of Bobby's guild members/friends drove in from Fresno this weekend. They had a potluck. Most importantly, they had fun. I want to be part of a guild. I'd like to meet new people and to form new friendships with others who have similar interests. I love books, so I thought 'why not join a book club.'

Do something!

Thankful

I am thankful for...

my life,

my lovely wife,

my healthy boy,

all of whom bring me great joy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I Still Have A Dream

Martin Luther King, Jr. once spoke of his dream. A dream in which a person is not judged by the color of his/her skin, but rather the content of his/her character.

Last night, America reneged on that dream.

Many of you failed to look past the color of Obama's skin, choosing to see the black man that he is instead of the person that he claims to be. You failed to look past the color of his skin, and thus failed to see the true content of his character.

You elected a black man as President of the United States instead of simply electing a person.

You failed to elect a person who has the experience to lead this country and a record which proves that person's ability to work with and unite the parties.

You instead elected Obama because he is black.

You, therefore, failed to judge Obama purely by the content of his character.

Is this the kind of hope and change you want for our country? A place where a person is still judged by the color of his/her skin?

This isn't a historic election. It's a sad time in history knowing that we have yet to witness a person of whichever race judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin.

Still waiting...

I Rocked the Vote!

It's official!

I rocked the vote today.

Thank goodness for early voting.

Thank God for democracy.

FYI, I picked the lesser of two evils. Guess who?

I had my heart set on the Hill, but settled for a Bic Mac instead.

Nobama!

What a Drain

This one accurately expresses what I feel. My vote went down the drain because of the corrupt and ineffective caucus system.

I hope you don't regret the choice you make on November 4.

Choose wisely, and be careful what you wish for.

Nobama!

The Same (almost)

This one is too funny!

Beware of the same ol' bullshit!

Nobama!

Flip-Flopping

I've been meaning to post a few political cartoons that I've come across during this tumultuous primary and general election season. Here's the first, one that I find most accurate.

Nobama!

Betrayal

I'm angry. So angry that I could hit something, someone.

Yesterday, BB told me that she gained some incite from her co-worker. Apparently, her co-worker said that talking with her ex-husband, a person she despises, helped her to cope with the anger she feels toward him. Her co-worker also said that it allowed her to reach past her hate to maintain somewhat of a relationship with her ex-husband for their children's benefit. I understand and agree with BB's co-worker.

BB then told me that she decided to call her ex to gain some closure. BB claims that she's over the whole break-up, but not over the part where her ex took everything and left her with a shitload of debt. BB blames her ex for her financial situation, which led to BB having to file for bankruptcy. I understand why BB needs closure for that aspect of their relationship.

However, BB told me the most wonderful (sarcasm spills from my lips) news this morning after she hung up with her ex. BB told me every detail, including the part where they exchanged e-mails and promises to keep in touch. Apparently, they have resumed their friendship, as if the past suddenly disappeared. All those times I listened to BB tell me the horrible stories about the past; they no longer existed. POOF! Just like that, and they were gone. I didn't get it. I still don't get it. There's no reason for this! No kids, nada, nothing!

I'm angry because BB felt the need to call her ex!

I'm angry because BB called her ex!

I'm angry because BB told her ex she hated her back then, but not why she did!

I'm angry because BB's ex knows how much she's affected BB, so much that BB felt the need to call her after so much time has elapsed!

I'm angry because BB's ex may think the worst of BB and of our relationship!

I'm angry because BB's ex may think me and our relationship a mere 'rebound'!

I'm angry because BB decided to resume and maintain a friendship with her ex, a person who doesn't deserve BB's friendship!

I'm angry because BB's so...blind to see that this is all so stupid!

I'm angry because BB's ex isn't here so I can bitch slap her!

I'm angry because this situation has me seeing red!

I'm angry because BB and I fought about this!

I'm angry because BB and I are not talking!

I'm angry because I took it out on Roran!

I'm angry because I feel betrayed!

I'm angry!

Sad.

Disappointed.

This fucking blows.

Relationships SUCK!!!

Angry and Afflicted

An envelope from the Democratic National Committee (DNC) came in the mail today for BB and I. I thought, 'What the hell do they want now?!'

The DNC rendered my vote inconsequential and stifled my voice in this allegedly democratic voting process. At least, the DNC tried to stifle my voice. No more! My loyalty to the DNC has waned since the bitter primary campaign season ended.

Those in power, the likes of Reid and Pelosi, and traitors like Richardson sealed the deal for Obama's coronation as the Democratic presidential nominee, and the biased, sexist, and pro-Obama media happily fueled the anti-Hillary (and Bill) sentiment. Need I mention the disastrous and unfair caucus system? Obama supporters called my friends 'racist' because they chose to vote, as it is their right, for Hillary instead.

Is this democracy?! NO! Democracy means freedom! Freedom without fear or backlash!

This primary campaign season has made me question our democratic process. It has made me question my country and its principles. It has made me question my loyalty to my party. It has made me question my choice for president. Do I stick with my party, the party that hindered my vote and attempted to stifle my voice, and vote for Obama, a person whom I am not able to trust? Or do I choose another party's candidate because that candidate appears to be the lesser of two evils?

All I know is I'm undecided and consider myself an independent.

Maybe I should sell my vote on e-bay instead.

Don't feign surprise. This is no longer the America that we know. What is left of a country when it's democratic process fails? A communist state.

On a last note, isn't it funny how stupid Obama is for not picking Hillary as his VP? Instead, McCain, the Republican candidate, chose wisely by picking a female for his VP. It's all about Palin now, no longer about Obama. He must be crying like a baby now that the spotlight has waned. Great move on McCain's part! Palin's no Hillary Clinton, but she's tough and, most importantly, she's a woman.

Don't tell me how I should utilize my right to vote! I am American! I have the freedom to choose!

Down with the DNC!

NOBAMA!

Hillary in 2012!

The Christmas Factor

It doesn't feel like Christmas. We've got a beautiful tree and several presents, but it just doesn't seem like Christmas is actually here. I don't know why. I guess the magic of Christmas dissipates as we age. Bah humbug!

BB and I vacationed in Hawai'i recently. We spent quality time with my family and friends. We also had a commitment ceremony. A very intimate and private ceremony. It was beautiful. I cried. BB almost cried, but held back the tears as she wiped mine away. We kissed and proclaimed our love and devotion for eachother before countless witnesses, all strangers of course. But together as one, BB and I faced the world. That day will live in my heart forever.

So I take back that 'bah humbug' attitude in my earlier paragraph. Christmas is here, and I'm going to enjoy the holiday season. I hope you do too.

Mele Kalikimaka and Hau'oli Makahiki Hou!

Official Business

After several months of anticipation and frustration, the "Official Business" letter I've been waiting for came in the mail this week. Thank you! Now I can sit back, relax, breathe in, and let out a huge sigh of relief. I'm so happy! Now I can finally move on.

BB's in Florida visiting her family. She left late last night, and I miss her already. = ( I laid on BB's side of the bed last night and willed myself to sleep. She called me from Detroit at 2 am, and after we hung up, I slept much better. I love BB!

Jacob's been AWOL for a couple of weeks now. I haven't heard from him since The Firm's grand opening. I e-mailed him a couple of days ago, but he hasn't responded. I think he's mad at me. Mad that I failed to inform him about The Firm prior to it's opening. Ironically, he was the first to know among my friends. I didn't plan for him to find out earlier as I wanted all my friends to know about The Firm at the same time, but an unexpected meeting with Quinn at Panda prevented that from happening. I think Jacob finally understands and acknowledges that our friendship isn't quite as it used to be, and now he's not talking to me. I didn't want it to be this way, but it is.

Quinn and I decided to get a booth at this year's Pride festival. We'll advertise The Firm and its services, and hopefully get more clients in the door. Fingers crossed! We definitely need more business!

I'm currently watching "The X-Files" on the SciFi Channel. I used to watch "The X-Files" fanatically. I'm so happy that we have cable now. Thank goodness for little pleasures!

That's about it from my world.

Keep a rubber band ball handy for when the zombies attack. Better safe than sorry!

At Long Last

I know it's been a while since my last post. I've been so tired, what with working full-time for Big Company and working part-time (and for free, mind you) at The Firm. All work and no play makes me a very tired and very boring person. LoL But at long last, I've found time to write a few words. Ironically, I have nothing much to post about, except that the weather here is awful. It's only April, and already it feels like an oven here. Ahhh...but Celie and I have been walking during our breaks at work. I really enjoy the time spent outside the drabby walls of Big Company and the chance to bask in the warm sunlight. It's rather peaceful and relaxing.

BB and I are determined to get in shape before our next vacation. She actually purchased the P90X fitness program via an infomercial, much to my dismay. I don't like infomercials, and I really don't trust them. But BB has much praise for this workout regime (after two workout sessions), and I guess I'll let this one go. We ONLY have two more payments of $39.99 to pay. What's two more payments, right?! Ugh.

Aside from the P90X fiasco, we've been watching the Bravo series "Workout." We're hooked. Not just because of Jackie's abs or even Rebecca's FOINE body, but also because it inspires us to want to get fit and be healthy. Hell, I found the strength and will power to get up this morning and workout for 40 minutes on the treadmill! Now that's impressive! LoL

That's about it from me. Everything else I have to say will bore you to death (i.e., they're all work-related). I will continue to let you in on anything worth mentioning, but I don't know how often that will be. Until then, have a good one.

Happy Easter!