Monday, February 21, 2011

The Branding

I had my first bitter taste of being single yesterday.  I was sitting on a bench outside the movie theaters, patiently waiting for a movie to begin by engaging in some people-watching, when a sweet elderly woman from Wisconsin sat next to me and sparked up a conversation.  She mostly talked about her sons, a specific bachelor son, the farm she lives on, and her snowbird status.  I mostly listened, fascinated at having met someone, anyone new without even trying on my part.  It was refreshing and quite interesting.  But then the conversation turned to me...

She asked if I were waiting to see a movie and if I were waiting for someone to see the movie with.  I smiled and answered promptly, not realizing the trap I was walking headfirst into.  I said, "Yes, I'm waiting for my movie to start" and "No, I'm not waiting for anyone."  Then her next words cut me deep-"My you're a brave one."  The smile on her face seemed to falter a bit, and I tasted the bitterness of my...status.  My single status, that is.  And thus began the branding...

To make matters extremely worse, she's been having a wonderful time being single again.  She's been hitting the nightlife and making new friends, even going on a few dates (filled with the kind of drama she seems to be craving nowadays).  I'm far from jealous...I'm simply disappointed.  One of the reasons she gave me for the break up was she wanted to go out more and make new friends, to socialize, and I didn't.  I don't want to hit the clubs; my clubbing days are over, and I never enjoyed the meat-packing scene anyway...although I did enjoy the dancing.  I also refused to meet her superficial friends after the horrible stories she's shared with me (i.e., the gay Alex who determines point-blank whether you're hot or not, branding you for life).  Call me anti-social, I guess...But it doesn't really matter now.  It's over.  We're over.  She's doing great, and I'm...well I'm just peachy.


On a lighter note, I had a dream in which my Auntie Perle made an appearance.  It was odd as I haven't dreamed of her in a long while, but it was comforting nonetheless.  During difficult and trying times in my past, I always sought her out, hoping her wisdom and courage would console and inspire me.  Sigh.  I miss her.

I must embrace this newfound freedom...

Sunday, February 06, 2011


I'm currently watching "All About Eve," a film I've heard a lot about, but never got around to watching.  That Eve is a BITCH!  And Bette Davis...what can I say?  She's a classic, an icon, and her eyes...They definitely give new meaning to Kim Carnes' 80s hit song.

Since we're on the subject of sultry actresses with a classic, unique flare, I have to admit that I'm going through another Tabrett Bethell withdrawal.  And I miss Mistress Cara fiercely.  Sigh.  I'm such a geek when it comes to this exquisite woman.  Need I remind you as to why?

Now that I've somewhat satisfied my TB/CM fix (I said somewhat, not entirely and not ever, so expect more of Ms. Bethell and Mistress Cara to pop up now and again), I'm patiently waiting for Lea Michelle to perform at the Super Bowl.  I really don't care to see men in tights throwing balls around and participating in some ass-patting ritual, although I have no objection if they were gay men in tights with balls and some asinine ritual because I support my peeps no matter what.  =)  Hey wait?  Did Lea Michelle already perform?  Oh crap!  I'm bummed.  Oh well, at least I can look forward to a new Glee eppy tonight!

Oh wait!  Lea's performing now!  Yay!!!

Here's to the underdogs!

Friday, February 04, 2011

On Holiday

I'm on holiday for a week, and I'm enjoying every minute away from tiresome and boring work.  Blah.

I initially planned on spending a few days in NYC to see the off-off-Broadway musical Camp Wanatachi, which is co-produced by Legend of the Seeker (LoTS) alum Bridget Regan.  The musical tells the tale of a teenage girl who falls in love with another girl at a Christian-based summer camp.  Unfortunately, my lack of funds prevented me from following through with my plan, and I'm bummed about it.  Hopefully, the musical will garner good reviews and much needed attention to continue its run.

Although I'm not out on the open road, I've managed to keep myself busy with other matters.  I am determined to finish that LoTS fan fiction I've been working on for the past few weeks.  And when I do, I intend to post it here, biting back the fear and nausea that comes with publicly showcasing my work.  It's daunting, but I need to start somewhere, right?  I really need to stop procrastinating and start taking my writing seriously.  No more half-written stories.  From here on out, I will see each story through to the very end.

I also plan to do other things during this fortunate holiday, such as visit the Springs Preserve, something I've been interested in seeing for quite a while now, and declutter my closet and my life, throwing out unnecessary items and putting the past to rest.  I also plan to write JCM a long, overdue letter and file my taxes.  And I intend to visit that used bookstore in my neighborhood, as well as indulge in some thrift-store shopping.

This holiday is all about discovering new things, seeing things through to its end, laying the past to rest, and savoring all that life has to offer.  Sigh.  It's going to be grand.

On a lighter note, I've just discovered the musical genius that is Brandi Carlile.  I love her music!  And her voice and lyrics call out to my soul, leaving me open and vulnerable, yet somewhat stronger and self-assured.

Turning a new leaf is the only way to let go of the past, embrace the present, and look forward to the future.