Monday, September 25, 2006

The Universe, "The Do", and Other Things

Something out of the ordinary happened last night, after I signed off blogger and jumped into bed. BB and I did "the do." It was great! We were great! Wow. I miss having her so close to me in that particular way. And after my rant on blogger last night about our lack of intimacy and the events which followed (i.e., "the do"), I now believe the saying that if you put yourself and your thoughts out into the universe, things will happen. It will happen. It did happen, and I've got this great, big smile on my face to prove it!

Anyway, I made my weekly trek to the library this morning. I borrowed several DVDS: "Capote," "Sideways" "Derailed," "A History of Violence," "The Constant Gardener," and "The Brothers Grimm." Who needs Netflix when you can borrow great DVDs from your local library for FREE?! I also picked up The L Word: The Second Season CD, which I'm currently listening to. It's good, but I'm biased. I can't wait to see the third season on DVD. Yup. I'm one of those suckers who does not have cable. I suck. In more ways than one, actually. Ahem! I'm still thinking about last night. And what a night it was!! Alas, I digress. Finally, I found the following books to add to my collection of books read in my lifetime: The Genius of the Sea by Naeem Murr, Village of a Million Spirits by Ian MacMillan, and Pages for You by Sylvia Brownrigg.

Get out and do something out of the ordinary!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

She's Back!

This is going to sound pathetic, but I can't help it! Eden Riegel is reprising her role as Bianca Montgomery on "All My Children" in October! Yes! You heard me! Bianca is returning to Pine Valley. I'm ecstatic! Very much so I had to post this wonderful news within hours of my last posting! Talk about something refreshing. Something good to look forward to. I admit that I've stopped watching "All My Children" regularly after Bianca and Maggie (Elizabeth Hendrickson) left for Paris. I used to enjoy watching their budding romance. Although Bianca and Maggie were never officially a couple, their departing scene alluded to the fact that something was definitely there between them and that this move to Paris would definitely lead them somewhere beyond mere friendship.

I've missed BAM. On a whim, I thought I'd check out BAM, the official site. Unfortunately, it's no longer up. However, my search for BAM led me to, where I found countless BAM videos. I watched as much as I could and reminisced of happier times. Then I stumbled upon the wonderful news that Eden Riegal is returning to "All My Children." Amidst my happiness at this news, I thought about Elizabeth Hendrickson and whether she would also return and reprise her role as Maggie Stone. I frantically searched the net, but found no such news. Instead it seems she's made a name of herself in L.A., making the rounds on various primetime shows. I'm happy for her and wish her all the best. But deep down, I hope that she'll return to "All My Children." It simply won't be the same if she doesn't. I couldn't picture Bianca with anyone else other than Maggie. Sigh. I guess I have to tune in to find out.

Standstill (Yet Again)

I tried, and I thought I had succeeded. But I guess I was wrong. Remember my plans to meet with Jacob over breakfast? I called him a couple of days before the event to confirm the time and place, and he answered with a baffled "what?" Yup. He absolutely forgot. This is what I'm dealing with. Now you wonder why things went sour in the first place. To make matters worse, Jacob said he couldn't make it because he worked that morning. Uh...good to know. Can you imagine if I hadn't called him to confirm? I would have been waiting for him to arrive. And as time slowly passed, I would have been concerned for him. Then after a quick phone call, I would have learned that he forgot. Anger and frustration would have quickly replaced my initial concern. I would have been furious because he stood me up. Sigh. Anyway, I asked Jacob to let me know when he's available so we could meet. I haven't heard from him since. I'm disappointed, but what was I thinking? Things between us have changed. And as it is, my desire to reconnect with him no longer exists.

Now on to Sarah. I emailed her and she replied. She replied with inqueries of her own and asked that I timely respond. I did. And now that she's got the inside track on my life, I gather she feels no need to continue our correspondence. I haven't heard from her since my last reply. What is wrong with these people? At least have the decency to reply. Maybe I'm expecting too much from something that isn't there. Maybe I'm asking too much from someone who no longer cares. We all have our own lives to lead and the ties that once bound us to eachother have slackened, but at least I'm making an effort. I'm trying here. I'm reaching out. But I find myself at a standstill (yet again), and I think this is the final straw. I've tried. And now I'm done.

Thankfully, Autumn and I have reconnected. We even talked for a couple of hours last week, catching up on what's new in our respective lives. Autumn and I share a special bond. We can go a long while without any contact, and when we finally reconnect, it seems as if no time has passed at all. I love that about our friendship. Autumn is possibly my closest friend. We've been through so much together, both good and bad. Our friendship's been tried so many times, but we know where we stand in each other's lives. I thought I had lost her there for a while, but that goes to show how little faith I had in our friendship. Now I realize just how strong our bond is, and I hope that I never forget or take advantage of our friendship.

Sigh. Two strikes is better than three, I suppose.

Now on to the homefront. BB and I haven't been intimate with eachother for almost a month. It's embarassing to admit, but it's the truth. A sad one at that. I don't know what's wrong. She's never in the mood, and I always seem to be. She thinks that's all I want from her, and I believe she doesn't really desire me. It's disheartening. We didn't even make love while in San Francisco on vacation. Absolutely disheartening. Sigh. If and when we do make love, I don't want her to feel as if it's her duty. What I want and need is for her to want and need me. I yearn for that spark of passion we once shared.

Is it me? Am I simply out of luck?? ARGH!!!

You can stay and hope that things gets better. Or you can face reality and move on. Simply stated, the truth f*cking hurts.

Monday, September 11, 2006


Good news! They responded. Each and every one of them. Jacob and I also have plans to meet on Sunday for breakfast. I took BB's and Madonna's words to heart. I got over all the bullshit. Forgive and live. It feels good. I'm happy and proud of myself. Most of all, I'm grateful for the opportunity to renew my ties with old friends. Hopefully, the headway we've made thus far will inspire us to remain true friends through life.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

First Attempt

I know, I know. It's been a while since my last post. In that time, BB and I vacationed in San Francisco and had a wonderful time. We enjoyed every minute of our vacation and were deeply saddened by the fact that it came to an end so soon. San Francisco is a great place. So much culture. So much to see and do. So much unlike the city we returned to. Sigh. All good things must come to an end, I suppose. Who knows. We may find ourselves living it up in San Francisco for good next year. I can only hope.

Anyway, I'm currently on a mission. I'm on a mission to exhume the friendships I once shared with a select few. These select individuals played key roles in my life, and recently, we've grown apart. We've drifted from eachother, and I hope to somehow grab on to what's left of our friendship. As a friend and someone who cares, I can only try. Thus, this is my first attempt. I've contacted them and now await a response. I wait in trepidation. Will they care to respond? Is there still hope? Can we turn back time and possibly start anew? I miss my friends. I miss them dearly. Many times have I thought back fondly on the memories we created, the not-so-good and the great alike. There are times when I wish I could call them just to chat, to share an idea, no matter how odd, or to simply vent about life's cruel joke. Sigh. Has too much time elapsed? Will my attempt be futile? I don't know. I surely hope not. I hope my attempt will work. I pray that I don't need a second one.