Thursday, December 14, 2006

Out of My Life

My brother and I had the worst fight tonight. And I think this may be our last fight ever. You see, I'm respecting his wishes and acknowledging my own. He said "I want you out of my life!" over and over again. At first, I reacted in anger. He yelled, I yelled. We both expressed our frustrations, disappointments, and anger with one another. We both cried. We both yelled until we could no longer hear the other person. We hung up on eachother. He called back several minutes later. To my surprise, we were both calm. But we were both determined. You see, we were both right. And yet, we were both wrong. I blame him. He blames me. There's no going back now. This wasn't one of our usual spats. We both knew deep down that we couldn't bounce back from this fight. He said "I want you out of my life" again. And I said that the feeling was mutual. I didn't fight this time. I didn't argue or explain my point of view. I didn't make an effort to patch things up. We both knew this was coming. We both knew that we had changed. Much more than we cared to admit and more so than we wanted. As such, I'm respecting my brother's wish to sever all ties. Although I'm angry, sad, and disappointed, I find myself somewhat relieved. We are bad for eachother. And being in eachother's life would only foster hatred and spite. I love my brother, and I don't want to hate him. He's the only sibling I have. If this is the only way to save what's left of our relationship, then so be it. I cried. I cried for him. I cried for me. I cried for us. I cried for the way we used to be and how much we used to mean to eachother. I cried for our past, present, and future. I cried, and I still cry. He's my brother, for God's sake! I love him, and I'll respect his wishes. And despite all that transpired tonight, I wish only the best for him. I hope and pray that he is blessed with happiness, love, success, and most of all, peace of mind.

Letting go of a loved one is the hardest thing to do. But you need to believe that something good will come out of a disheartening situation.

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