Living a Lie

I received an e-mail from Lucas, informing me that he and Jacob are moving into their new home next week. Although I'm happy for them, there's a part of me that's a bit envious. I'm envious about their new home, not about their relationship. BB and I hope to purchase a home sometime this year and to settle in somewhere once and for all, but our finances have been...lacking. Although we don't have much money, we have eachother and are very much in love. And here's where Lucas and Jacob are lacking. I have no doubt that Lucas loves Jacob, but Jacob is another story.

Jacob and I were friends since middle school. We grew up together, shared our dreams together, and "came out" together. We didn't really come out together. He was blatantly gay, and I was obscurely a lesbian. However, we shared the same pain, relief, and happiness in coming out. When I moved here, Jacob followed. Then he met Lucas, and everything changed.

Before Lucas entered the picture, Jacob never settled for just anyone. His longest committed relationship was all of two months. In the beginning, Jacob hooked up with Lucas for sex. When their so-called relationship turned serious and too much for Jacob, he called it quits. Lucas couldn't let him go that easilty, but Jacob as soon as forgot Lucas until I stepped in. While out on the town one night, we stopped at a club and found Lucas waiting anxiously to "bump" into Jacob by chance (or not). It was awkward, and Jacob demanded we ditch the club before Lucas returned from the restroom. Jacob was furious and wanted to hightail it out of there without saying goodbye to Lucas. I said that was rude, and so we stayed. When Lucas returned, he asked to talk privately with Jacob. A few minutes later, they returned and were officially back together, although the look on Jacob's face was that of discomfort. Lucas, on the other hand, beamed with joy. Fast forward several months into their relationship, when Jacob cheated on Lucas with a beefy bartender. Jacob shared the news with me and even invited me to meet the bartender. It was awkward, but Jacob looked happy. A few weeks later, Jacob felt guilty and vowed to remain faithful to Lucas. I didn't buy it, but I hoped that he would stay faithful so long as he remained in a relationship with Lucas. A few months later, Jacob left for Iraq, and when he returned, he claimed that he would no longer take Lucas for granted and that he would put a hundred percent into their relationship. I still didn't buy it and wondered how much he had put into his relationship with Lucas before this epiphany. I also wondered if he had cheated on Lucas yet again while in Iraq and felt guilty about his infidelity. Now, they've purchased a home together and are moving in next week.

Lucas and Jacob have been together for a little over three years, and I'm happy for the both of them. Lucas is happy and loves Jacob dearly. Jacob seems happy, although I believe his happiness stems from the new home. I remain suspicious of Jacob's true intentions, most notably after recently claiming that he felt "trapped" in his relationship. I hope that Jacob knows what he's doing and that he understands the consequences of his actions. If down the road Jacob wants out of this relationship, it'll be more difficult now that they share real property together. The happiness he feels at the moment because of the new home is a fleeting emotion. Their home will no longer be "new" and he'll have to face the truth. That or face the consequences of living a lie.