Trust, Faith, and Belief

A lot has happened since my last post. I thought about taking a breather from my life to write, but I couldn't find the time or simply couldn't bring myself to dish the latest news. I made a difficult decision a couple of weeks ago, and now I'm waiting for the results. I know this is awfully vague, but I can't write about it. All I can tell you is I've put aside my petty thoughts on life and am determined to overcome this obstacle I currently face. I've entrusted my life in God's hands and have faith that everything will be alright. I tell myself over and over again to believe that everything's going to work out in my favor. And it will.

I wish I had the sense to make better decisions in the past. I wish I could have planned better for my future and been more sensible about things. There are so many things in my past that I regret and have passed the blame on to so many others. The truth is I'm to blame for my own decisions. Ultimately, the choices were mine to make. And that I did, whether I like it or not. So now I accept responsibility for my actions and am trying to live with how my life turned out. It's not pretty, but it's not so bad either. Maybe I'm finally growing up, accepting responsibility and facing my problems head on for a change. No running away this time. I'm too tired to run. And I've figured out that no matter how hard and far I run, the same problems will always be there unless I face my reality. So here I am, facing my demons. It's a start in the right direction. A promising start to a future that doesn't look as bleak as it once was.

There's a lot of changing I need to do, but I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I can breathe again. As if I'm coming up for air after drowning for so long. Sigh.

BB's off to visit her family on Wednesday. I'm missing her already. This will be our first time apart since she moved here to be with me. But I'm happy that she's visiting her family. She misses her nieces very much, especially during the holidays. Seeing them again will make her very happy. And I'm happy when she's happy. That's all I want for BB. For her to be happy. Her happiness means so much to me.

If you want to sleep peacefully at night, put your trust and faith in the Lord (or higher power) and believe that things will be better than they are.