Sunday, April 03, 2011

A Name From The Past...

I spoke with JCM the other day during our weekly phone call, and he told me of his chance encounter with our high school classmate, Vicky.  I swear that the mention of her name and the knowledge that she lives right here in Las Vegas caused my heart to race.  I was happy to hear of our mutual friend, whom we've both lost contact with through the years, but I found it quite strange that long after my conversation with JCM had ended, my heart continued to beat rapidly as if it had run a long-distance marathon (not that I've ever ran a marathon, but I'm guessing that's how my heart would feel like if I ever did) and my mind raced with thoughts of Vicky.

Vicky and I were good friends in high school, and our friendship grew deeper during our years in college and our respective years in graduate school.  We spoke at least once a week and/or e-mailed daily while I was away in New York City studying law and she was back home in Hawai'i studying human resource management.  When she moved to Tacoma, WA, and I settled here in Las Vegas, our friendship managed to thrive despite the responsibilities and changes that life thrust upon us.  We always managed to find time for each other, and I loved that about our friendship.  But then, I fell in love...

A few years after moving to Las Vegas, I met Her and fell in love...at least, I thought I did.  In retrospect, I believe I was infatuated with the idea of love and being in love, but enough about that.  As my priorities changed and my world shifted around Her, I let my friendships fall to the wayside.  I never thought I would ever be like those people who forgot everyone else existed except the one their heart seemed to live for, but I became exactly that.  I was such an idiot for allowing my friendships to wither and die, and I'm paying dearly for it now that She's no longer a part of my life.  One of the things I will always regret is leaving Vicky behind...

When JCM talked about Vicky, all I could think about was how much we had fun together and how much I missed her.  And without warning, I felt a genuine smile on my face, which have been few and far between since the break up.  I felt an indescribable feeling rush through my body and flush over my face, and I couldn't ignore the thundering roar of my heart echoing in my ears and reverberating through my body.  And it struck me that I felt something other than anger, disappointment, sadness, and frustration.  I felt something stirring deep within me at the mention of her name...

I never told anyone this before and never really acknowledged it until now, but I had a crush on Vicky back when we were in college.  It was an innocent crush, one spurred on by someone who knew exactly what to say and do to make me smile and laugh and by someone who was there for me through my ups and downs.  She understood and believed in me, and she encouraged me to push on no matter what.  We had a lovely friendship...Is it any wonder why I had a crush on her?  Sigh.  I had a crush on my very straight best friend.

So fast forward all these years, and I find myself acting ridiculously happy upon hearing news about Vicky.  Maybe it's the young girl in me still clinging to a silly school-girl crush or maybe it's the woman in me who misses our friendship, especially at a time when I desperately need a friend.  I don't know...What I do know is my heart never beat so fast for anyone in a long, long time.

Riddle me this, Batman.

Don't be an idiot like me...

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