I watched a touching film called "Shelter" the other day and bawled at the happy ending. I didn't cry tears of happiness, but rather of sadness over the life I used to have with her. I cried for the happy ending we didn't have and for a happy ending that I've lost all hope in. I don't know if I'll get a second chance at love, but I pray that I will.
Then I came across the following brilliant, insightful, and inspirational passage in The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo :
"...give up the want of another and be who you are, and more often than not, love will come at the precise moment you are simply loving yourself" (Nepo 166).
My whole life before her, I've yearned for love, to be loved, to live the emotion without really understanding what it meant to love and without really loving myself first and foremost. I've been so caught up in love and finding love that I never fully appreciated and acknowledged my own self-worth and beauty. I've always needed to fill that void within me, even if it meant settling for something less than the real thing. Sigh. I was wrong to believe that the void in me could only be filled by loving someone other than myself. I know now that I must focus on loving myself, and maybe someday, when I least expect it, love will find me. By then, I'll be ready.
Sigh. I guess something good came out of the break up after all.
Love thyself.
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