Sleep Cut Short

BB's left for work, and I'm left alone with my thoughts yet again. I don't know how BB does it, willing herself out of bed at such an awful hour (12 a.m.) to get to work at 1 a.m. Just awful. But, she's a trooper, and I love her even more for that.

I've been having a difficult time sleeping after BB leaves. I don't know why, but it has something to do with fear. Fear of the unknown, mostly. It's only gotten worse after watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose. What's funny is I love horror movies and had no problem watching that genre of films alone in a dark room not so long ago. But, for some odd reason or another, I can't even look at my DVD collection without skipping over the horror titles. I blame my dilemma on getting older and wiser. There are things in this world that exist and can't be explained (without coming off as being insane), and no longer can I will myself to turn a blind eye. Especially not after hearing BB's personal experiences on the supernatural, which are embedded in my head, churning my stomach. To be honest, I believe that BB's the reason why I'm so afraid. Strange things have happened to her in the past, and I believe that she's a magnet for such things. Being so close with her inevitably opens me up to such things too, right? I shudder to think so, and I pray it's not true. O.K. I'm changing the subject now.

I wonder if anyone's going to read my blog? I don't care one way or the other, just as long as no one recognizes it's me. I don't plan on telling my family, friends, or colleagues about this blog. Wouldn't want to give them another reason to pass judgment on me. However, I have disclosed the existence of this blog with BB, whom I choose to share everything with. Even if I didn't, I'd somehow manage to blurt it out, especially if I'm feeling a bit guilty about what I've done or how I feel. Anyway, I haven't given BB my blog address, and it's because I really want to keep this blog all to myself. Doing so will make my entries all the more authentic. I'll get to bounce off the walls while recording my deepest, darkest secrets and innermost fears about everything, including my relationship with BB. I'll probably let BB in on my blog entries eventually, but hopefully that won't change my mission.

It's 1:32 a.m. The telly's on. I'm hungry. Just awful. I wish BB were here so I can shut off my brain and fall asleep next to her. Sigh.

I see that my friend is online. I'm tempted to IM her, but I dread hearing what she'll bitch about this time. Hey, I bitch as much as the next person, but I don't let it drag on and on and on and on...At least I hope not! I've been avoiding my friends lately because they've been depressed about their situations (i.e., love life), and their depression gets me depressed about my situation (i.e., unemployment). It's a harsh cycle, and I want to break away from it for a while.

Suze Orman is on the telly. Ugh. Don't lecture me. I hate lectures. If only her solutions to my problems were as easy as she claims they are. It's not. Easy, that is. Maybe if she throws me a huge lifesaver filled with thousands of shiny, new greenbacks, then I'd listen to her irritating lecture on my financial situation and believe there's hope for me still. Until then, shut the f*ck up! Time to change the channel. Hmm...hold on. Maybe I should listen to her just a bit more. Ahhh, hell. My credit's screwed anyhow.

I've rambled on for sometime now. I'm sleepy. I should get to bed. Maybe I'll watch a DVD. Something positive for a change. I guess I'll end it here and peruse my DVD collection, skipping over the horror titles of course.