The End

This isn't the way things should be.  This can't be the way things should end.  Things should be...better.  The end brighter...

I've always pictured things to be so different than how they are.  I've always pictured him to be someone else entirely, not the shadow of the person he once was or could have been.  And now this.  Damn it.  Anything but this.  This can't be the legacy he leaves behind.  This can't be the way it ends.

But it is.  And it will be.

Yet again, I'm left to ponder life's questions and ironies alone...Thoughts invade my conscious reality.  Nightmares tear through my subconscious state.  Always the one left behind to make light of a dire situation, to remain hopeful when faith is lost, to keep onward towards the unknown...

My lesson to learn.  My punishment to bear.  My hell to endure.  My sin to purge.  My life to redeem.

This isn't how it's supposed to be.  This isn't how it's supposed to end.

Destiny, fate, karma, luck...Whatever the fuck you want to name it.  THIS WILL NOT BE.

It can't be.

It won't be.

The end.

Oh Yeah! Today Is My Birthday

Woke up this morning feeling...jolly good!  Today is my birthday, and it doesn't matter that I'm another year older.  I'm simply happy to be alive and well.  Life could be far better than it currently is, but if it were, it would probably be just plain boring.  I say go with the flow and embrace life as it is.  That's not to say accept things as they are, but to adapt and change for the better.  For the most part, live, laugh, love.  Be free and authentic.  Simply be.

With that said, allow me to share photos of my special day spent at the Las Vegas Springs Preserve and the Nevada State Museum.

Nevada State Museum

The Columbian Mammoth

Ichthyosaur (top) and Pacific Horse (bottom)

The Columbian Mammoth

The Trails at the Springs Preserve

The Spring House remains, a restoration site.

I love archeology!

View of Las Vegas Strip in the distance.

Historic Oil Tower in the distance.

The Gardens at the Springs Preserve

(Recycled Art by Dave Thompson)

Miscellaneous Shots at the Springs Preserve

The Ori-Gen Experience

The Rotunda

View of the Vegas Strip in the distance.

The Ori-Gen Experience

The Springs Cafe

Thus, I leave you with an excerpt from Madonna's "B-Day Song," which I played repeatedly throughout the day.

"I know it's gonna be a good day.

Oh yeah! Today is my birthday!

I'm a happy girl.

In a happy world."

So it's your birthday.  Go forth and celebrate your life!

Vacation Long Overdue

I spent the day with JCM at the Bellagio Hotel & Casino in honor of my impending birthday and at the generous expense of his. First, we stood mesmerized by the breathtaking scene of the 2012 Spring Collection at the Bellagio Conservatory & Botanical Gardens.

Then, we indulged in the intoxicating drink called the Cable Car at the Baccarat Bar, where we engaged in stimulating conversations about everything in life. At some point, the alcohol seemed to get the best of us as we burst into fits of giggles and high-fives despite the stares we undoubtedly received from other patrons.

Afterward, we braved the walk through the masses to witness the beautifully inspiring works at the "Claude Monet: Impressions of Light" exhibit in the Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art (BGFA). We were both enthralled by a particular piece entitled Seacoast at Trouville. Included in this exhibit were works by Eugene Louis Boudin; I was simply awe-inspired by the detailed work of his Fashionable Figures on the Beach.

Thereafter, we lounged on comfortable chairs outside the BGFA and engaged in our continuous philosophical conversation about life.  More than once, we were sidetracked by the numerous eye candy that walked by.  People watching is a favorite pastime of ours. =)

Finally, we ended our day at the Cafe Bellagio, where we immersed ourselves in more talk and savored each delectable bite of our rather pricey entrees.

Today was a wonderful start to my much needed and long overdue vacation.  I'm grateful to have friends like JCM who make life bearable and quite interesting.

2012 Spring Collection, Bellagio Conservatory

The Cable Car at the Baccarat Bar, Bellagio Casino

Bellagio Turkey Club at the Cafe Bellagio

Life is fleeting, and time...well, it stops for no one.  Enjoy life while it still runs through your body and burns in your blood.  You only have this one chance at it, so I say "Indulge and be merry!"

Stop Kony

There's a person whose existence has been shrouded by invisibility and held in ignorance by the vast majority of the world except by those directly impacted by this man: Joseph Kony. Kony is one of the world's most horrific war criminals out of Uganda, abducting children to fuel and feed his army, the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA). Boys are forced to become LRA soldiers and girls are held captive and raped. Most horrific of all? Kony has been committing these crimes against humanity for more than twenty years and has only recently caused a bleep on the world's radar of moral consciousness.

I admit that I am one of millions who did not know who Kony was and what he represented. But that has changed thanks to the Invisible Children's campaign to raise awareness and bring Kony to justice.

I will do my part and raise awareness about this cause. I pledge to stop Kony and become one of many taking action to make this world a better place.

Visit www.Kony2012.com and take the pledge to stop Kony!

The Metamorphosis

I despise being me.  I look in the mirror and hate who I see.  I hate the mask I put on each morning and remove at the end of the day.  I am sick of this facade.  I am tired of living this lie.

I play the fool in the company of friends and colleagues.  I play the martyr before my family.  I play the happy-go-lucky voice of reason to the public at large.  I am nothing more than a frightened girl trying to get by in this lonely world.

I wish I could find the strength and courage within me to slay dragons.  I wish I could be the person I always endeavored to be.  I wish I could be someone else entirely.  I am me, nothing more and nothing less than the shell of a person in the mirror staring blankly back at me.

I pray for the day when I awake to find the person I was meant to be in my reflection.  I pray for the day when I reach my full potential.  I pray for self love and acceptance.  I pray for a metamorphosis.

An Ordinary Day

Yesterday came and went without a hitch.  It was a rather ordinary day, if you ask me.  I didn’t even think of her once throughout the day, what would have been our 8^th anniversary.  The days leading up to that infamous date, however, were filled with anger, pain, and hopelessness.  Seven years flashed through my mind, both the good times and the bad, and I wondered how we went wrong and why our story came to an abrupt end.  I wondered if she remembered our anniversary.  I wondered if she still cared...

I prayed for a miracle, a sign, something to ease the hurt and quell my anger...This time around, my prayer had been answered.

We had another fight a few days ago, and my eyes opened to the reality of our situation.  I finally accepted that there could be no chance for reconciliation between us and that our time together, though fleeting, had come to pass.  And after careful examination as to the cause of all my pain and anger, I discovered that it had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with me, my fear, my insecurities, and my expectations about success, failure, love, life, and everything in between.  And like a light that burns out after many uses, at long last my heart let go of the pain and anger of losing her, failing us, and disappointing myself.

I don’t know if I’m simply numb to it all or if I’ve truly moved on, but either way, I am finally free of the fetters that once held me captive to a life which had long since ended.  I can think of her, of us, and our past without the piercing ache tearing my heart in two or the flashes of anger eating away at my sanity.  Sigh.  I can finally breathe again.

It's never an easy thing moving on, but letting go of the past is the only way to start living again.

A Feeling of Accomplishment

I did something utterly amazing yesterday!  Something I never thought I could do.  I conquered another hiking trail and a slight case of acrophobia.  Needless to say, I'm on a high from a great feeling of accomplishment!  This time around, a friend and I tackled the River Mountain Trail, a six-mile round trip hike to the summit of Black Mountain.  Yes, I wrote "hike to the summit."  Seriously.  I surprise myself now and then, but this surprise tops the list!  I am not fit by any standard, but I made it up that mountain all the same with a kick to my step that motivated my svelte hiking partner!  I gather my inspiration stemmed from the captivating scenery on the trail, with majestic views of Red Mountain and Black Mountain from the canyon, the quaint view of Boulder City from the switchbacks above the canyon, and the amazing view of Lake Mead from the summit of Black Mountain.  And I do love an adventure!  The River Mountain Trail was quite an adventure, one that I won't soon forget!

River Mountain Trail, Boulder City, NV

Heading into the canyon between Red Mtn. and Black Mtn.

View of Red Mountain from the switchbacks.

The canyon from the switchbacks on Black Mtn.  Boulder City in the distance.

View of Lake Mead at the summit of Black Mountain.

Relaxing at the summit before making my way down.

Life's a great adventure just waiting to happen!